Back in undergrad, when life was simple, there was a clear relationship between student and supervisor. They teach, you memorise and regurgitate at term's end. If you graduate and foolishly commit to a postgraduate degree, the relationship changes. That person, who used to be your lecturer, is now supervising your thesis. They're still there to teach you, but more as an apprentice than a student.

It's the most important professional relationship for a postgrad, and if it doesn't work things can get dire. I've been around for a few years now, and the only stories I've heard of thesis students not completing have been characterised by a fracture in the student-supervisor relationship.

There's a real vulnerability to sitting down with your supervisor and admitting you don't understand something, don't know what you're doing, or feel like you're not good enough to pull a thesis off. If you only have a 15-minute meeting scheduled, it's tempting to answer any questions as positively as possible. Sure, everything's going great. Yeah, I'm totally making progress. Are you kidding? Everything's totes cool.

Never mind that my house is earthquake damaged, the cat needs hundreds of dollars of dental care, or my relationship is in tatters. I'm SO going to get that research proposal in on time.

It's not really lying, it's more about wanting to put your best foot forward. But the nature of thesis work, with its lack of structure and absence of milestones, lends itself to students falling astray. So you do yourself no favours by holding back on how things are really going. In the same vein, if the relationship isn't working you need to be the one to say something. Academics aren't hired on their personality, so their ability to perceive that you're struggling may be limited.

Through all the discussions I've had about supervision, the one word that always comes up is expectations. They exist on both sides. Your supervisor will expect you to put in hours, create and be responsible for a research project, and build up to working independently. You will expect your supervisor to make time in their schedule for you, maintain some enthusiasm for your project, and comment on work in a reasonable timeframe.

Acknowledge these expectations, and come back to these if things start to go awry. What is actually happening? How can you ask, tactfully, for what you need?

Finally, foster good relationships with other postgrads in your department, especially those with the same supervisor. Yes, it's good to vent frustrations, but within the group you may also be able to see what does work and help each other out. A well-timed coffee or beer with someone who understand is priceless.